the conductor

God is love. I know that to be true. But then I look at the world and its moaning shout that something is terribly wrong. “Where is the love?” comes to mind. When I close my eyes, and open my hearts towards heaven, I hear the love melody of my heavenly Father. The love of God is oxygen to my heart, bringing me the life I’m desperate for. But I fear I don’t know how to let it out. While my natural body knows only how to breath in and breath out, I find my soul holding on to love, but not letting it go. Freely I receive, but do I freely give?  

If Jesus is the holy conductor of love, then I must learn the song he’s conducting. Its as if I’m content with playing my own tuning song, ignorant of the majestic music sitting before me.  It’s as if the whole world has unknowingly purchased tickets to this global symphony, but God’s children must pick up their instruments, join together in one chord, all eyes on our holy conductor. 

 The dust must be shaken off the music. I can’t worry about my instrument going out of tune. Just play. Play with everything inside of me. Play because the whole world is watching. Play because the music will set them free.  

becoming a dreamer

The Christian life is amazing. I was hit with this thought yesterday and I have been pondering it all morning. Jesus has invited us into this amazing life. Abundant life you might call it. Isn’t that what everyone is searching for? Happiness, purpose, contentment, unconditional love… Jesus’ invitation is to follow Him. But hold on for a second. Everyone wants abundant life, but we so often want to do the leading. So we lead away, dreaming of the life we want to live, and then doing everything in our power to make it happen. This is when our dreams can so easily become nightmares.


Humans are dreamers, but if our dreams are based around personal gain, power, authority, and fame, then the root drive is to save ourselves. “If I have power, then I have control. And If I have control then I will have what I want and be ok.” Dreams can become temptations in disguise, an attractive looking life-path attempting to be in control and save ourselves. If we let truth shine in, we know that if we try to save our lives, we will lose it. This is how our dreams can so easily become nightmares. But the opposite is the good news: if we lose our life, we will find it. This is the upside-down Kingdom of God in action.

I’m after abundant life. I’m not following Christ just to be safe. I’m in this thing because my heart is crying out for life, love, joy, purpose, and contentment. And I’ve realized I’m powerless to find this life I want on my own. When I was in high school, I found my identity in being a musician. Drummers I thought were the coolest, and my desire for acceptance was driving me to excel as a drummer. So I practiced and practiced. But before I was ever any good at drums, God placed the desire in me first. In his timing He would begin to unfold the bigger picture for me playing drums. But in the mean time holy frustration would be my companion. I took what God gave me, and I entertained thoughts that it was my gift and I slowly fell to the age old temptation to take control and use my gift for my own gain. There I went trying to save my life. I wanted to be the best. Then I could have friends, find success. Then I would be happy right?

Jesus interrupted my life the summer of 2003. I was walking into the trap of destiny, something that God can only plant to save me from myself. I stumbled to an IHOP youth conference called “One Thing” – up to this point I was a dedicated church drummer. But missing was my heart engaging in worship. I gave my drumming, but withheld what God was after…me. It it was here that I watched a small petite girl (now I know as Misty Edwards) pour out her heart on just the piano and her voice. She kept singing the same line “Jesus, here I am your favorite one, what are you thinking, what are you feeling, I have to know. For I’m after your heart…” 5 minutes go by and I’m thinking she’s really getting into this. 15 minutes and I’m wondering if it’s ok to keep singing the same thing. 30 minutes it hits me. She really means this. It’s as if there’s no one in the room but her and Jesus. She really loves Him. And musically, she’s really talented. I knew that God was requiring this of me. Not just my drumming, but me. I went to the front and knew everything was going to be different from this moment onward. For the first time I encounter the passionate Jesus that was jealous for all of me. But at the same time He was kind, and was inviting me to follow Him, to trust Him and give Him my life. I was already saved in the theological-I-believe-in-Jesus sense, but this moment was when I gave up my power to lead my life.





Jesus interrupted my life with his hand extended, an invitation to follow Him. This is when I began to trust. And he’s proven to be faithful. Over and over and over again. Every day He reveals a new side of himself, and new promise, and new revelation of His goodness. I have found the abundant life I was looking for. Yet it keeps getting fuller and more complete every day. Something amazing happened when I began to follow Jesus. His dreams started to whisper in my ears. I found myself dreaming with Him. I started finding my passions being about His Kingdom, not mine. And the cool thing about God’s dreams, is that He believes in them more than I ever will, and the resources of Heaven flood down to earth, looking to show strong support to those whose hearts are completely His. God’s dreams happen, and it the believer s joy to get to partner with Him.

As followers of Jesus, we must come to believe that there’s greatness inside of us, that our life is to be significant. There’s lie that says that as Christians, to aspire to greatness is wrong, and we must be humble and lowly. But could it be said that humility is only a positive trait when we have something to be humble about, where we choose humility instead of pride? Here’s the catch….In our world, it easy to chase after notoriety and fame, but that is about what I do for myself. Significance is about what I do for others. And if our life is living to see God’s Kingdom come and His will to be done, then we just found our significance. God is love and perfect love is when we lay our life down for a friend. It’s when we lose our life to help another. It’s the geniuses of God that life works this way. He knows best. Let’s trust Him. It is only here that we find the abundant life we’re looking for.

Contentment says recieve

“But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering, with these shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness. Fight the good fight; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called…" 1st Timothy 6:6-12

Contentment is being inwardly happy with what I have currently, not what I hope to have one day. If my life energy is derived in the pursuit of dreams of what might be, then I will live as a fooled man. Life and the joy that follows is found in the present. The future is God’s dominion. I awake in the morning to my Father’s voice calling me out of my darkness to His glorious light. Godliness is pursuing God’s will and feeling His pleasure over me. It sounds like hearing His voice of approval. It is the greatest gift. And this pursuit sees life through the lens of contentment.


Contentment says receive, don’t expect. I entered this world dependent, in desperate need of my parents love and care. I grew up, and the aged-old root of sin whispered to me that I could make a life for myself. The lie was and still is, “I can be sufficient on my own.” THIS is the battle to live as God’s sons and daughters. When I wake up and begin to engage my day, do I live from a place of contentment for what God has already freely given me, secure that my Father gives good gifts to His children, or do I embrace the chaos of striving to save my life? Destruction is the mark of a life lived serving one’s own agenda. The outward appearance might be one of happiness surrounded in riches, but that kind of life is stacked like a house of cards, full of potential to fall hard at the slightest quake.

My foundation is build upon the rock of my Father’s goodness, faith in a Father who loves me unconditionally. My Father’s Kingdom is my pursuit. And my heart burns for my generation to enter into the goodness and peace from His hand.

blessed are the meek

Last night we all went to the bowling alley. Monday's $1 dollar bowling = packed house. There was only one guy running the whole process, and he was swamped. Somehow in the craziness of signing up our group of 12, only 7 of us unknowingly didn't pay. So half way through our second game, it just stopped working because we reached our limit. We then realized which 4 of us didn't pay, and they went back and paid. Problem solved right? Well, somehow it wasn't, and the manger told us we had to pay for 3 more games to be able to finish our second game.

I passed this info along to everyone, and nobody made sense of it. So Iain and I went back up to the manager to argue with him about this. Let’s just say the argument got a little heated, something about us leaving and never coming back here. I walked away, and Iain stayed still talking to him.

2 minutes later Iain walked up with a grin saying the manager decided to turn the lane back on, something he said was impossible if we didn't pay again. So what happened in that 2 minute time frame?

Well, Iain started to walk away when he started feeling bad for the guy. It was obvious that he was over-worked and really stressed out. Iain walked back, and said he was sorry for being frustrated, and that he understood he was stressed out. The manager then asked to shake his hand, and then spurted out that he would turn the game back on, something that was impossible just a minute ago.

So we finished our game, and as we were walking out, the manager handed Iain two coupon books, EACH with 10 free bowling games in it. That's 20 free bowling games!

I feel like Iain and I both walked away that night learning something. The verse from the beatitudes rang in our ears.

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

Now Iain and I didn't exactly feel meek in that moment. Our tempers flared, and we weren't very Christ-like in the moment at all. All it took was a brief acknowledgment of the man's hard night, and his mood completely shifted. When Iain did this, he wasn't trying to sweet talk his way to a free game. All he did was realize that the man was having a hard night. Nothing more. And people can spot genuineness so easily.


Iain said something to me about learning to respond in the opposite spirit to others we come in contact with. The more frustrated people get, the more of an opportunity we have to show grace and mercy to others. It’s the joy of walking as God's sons and daughters, extending His love through our lives. And maybe you'll even get blessed with 20 free games of bowling:)

morning worship at the Habitation

This morning we lead worship at the Habitation. It was crazy-awesome fun....a highlight was singing about being undignified, and then the whole room going crazy, dancing and shouting. There's something about losing our cares with what people think about us, and just letting the passion inside us well up and come out.


And i learned something this morning....the term "lead worship" sometimes isn't appropriate. Today, the people at the Habitation led worship. Their hunger and passion so moved us, and all we did was put a melody and a rhythm to what was happening in the room. I love that. It’s pretty much what I love most about playing drums…when I look out at everyone’s faces, and just see so much passion, love, and adoration going straight to the Father.
Oh, and on a side note, you should all go to my facebook profile and watch the “dusty road” video from the Square Room concert the other month. This video is just hair-raising, in the best sort of way…God’s presence was so thick that night, and this song just captures so much of what’s in our hearts. I pray that this song will call the God’s wandering sons and daughters back to Him!

and check out www.youtube.com/unitedpursuitband - sweet new video from the Bijou concert this past summer.

Back to the studio…time for a night recording session with Andrea Carr and the gang. Good times.

Back in the house

Its 7pm, and they start coming. 55 young people packed into one house sitting cross-legged, cramped but free. The hall-way is lined with worshippers; the kitchen is our overflow room. This is our community worship experience dubbed the “LoveWar.” Tuesday night is a time to experience the beautiful presence of our savior-God, space to hear His voice and encounter His heart. Tuesday night we see the body of Christ assemble in a simple, yet profound way. Almost two years ago, we started meeting in our house (dubbed the Banks house) with a handful of our community. We started a once a month extended worship time called the BURN. This time was a magnet for many of God’s hungry ones, and within months we packed out the house on Friday nights with upwards of 75 people for multiple churches around the city. The BURN is all about vertical worship between us and the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But here’s the amazing thing…when we receive the love from the Father, it draws us together. The joy of being loved by God can’t be contained in vertical worship alone. Community is born.

So we started meeting on Tuesday nights. Worship was infused with community; simply coming together to seek God together, to lift each other up in prayer. It was never about the numbers, but our group of 20 or so soon took off when a few high-school students started coming. I watched the tipping point principle in action, and when one “connector” type person came, many more followed. Our group progressively became more diverse as college students mingled with high school students, even beginning to draw adults to see what was happening. Once we hit 60 or so, we simply just couldn’t fit. So we moved to a large church building. BUT something wasn’t the same. The family vibe was traded with a “meeting” type feel. We’re not into meetings. There are so many meetings, but few true community experiences. So it was back to the Banks house for us.

And that brings us back to last night. Tuesday night we moved back to the Banks house. And with 55 people, there isn’t much room to grow. What are we going to do? Well, I’m not sure. We can envision huge worship nights with hundreds of youth in the city, revival breaking out, bringing refreshing to the weary and love to the outcasts. We would need a big venue for that. But as for now, we’re in the house. And I love it. Last night a sound erupted from our house. It was the gospel in song, pure chorus of praise from our hearts. “Heal me, Oh Lord, and I will be healed. Save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” (Jer. 17:14) – We’re back in the house. God is our captain, and He steers the ship. Where to next?

"Mr. Expert"

Today I heard something that made my heart drop. Actually, it was wasn’t said. CNN in was blaring in my headphones as I was jogging on a treadmill, and an “expert” in youth education came on discussing why high-school dropout rates are increasing at an alarming rate. The basis on the discussion was if these dropout rates could be decreased, then more youth would enter the work place, adding more growth to the economy. If the adult motivation to help make sure children finish school is so they can contribute the economy, then I would like to say we have a problem. But that wasn’t what really bothered me the most. “What can be done to reduce high-school drop outs?” That was the question posed in the interview. “More support.” That was the experts answer. He went on to name mentors, teachers, after-school programs, anything and everything, all except one word….parents. This expert tipped toed around the word “parents” like it was an evil curse. Nothing was said about family. Nothing was said about how it’s the responsibility of parents to raise their children. Nothing.

Our economy is breaking down, and economists are starting point at the incredible drop of youth entering the workplace. So who’s the blame? School’s get a bad rap. “We need more funding.” “Where are all the mentors? Where’s the money for more after school programs?” Avoidance of the family structure being THE crucial factor in children growing up and succeeding in our society made my heart drop. I was on mile 3 jogging, and this time the usual drone of noise in my headphones was clear as day to me. I heard the educational expert’s words. But I heard these words for what they are…nothing more than a soggy band-aid attempting to cover up the gaping wounds inflicted by the breakdown of marriage and family, the disconnection of love and legacy, the feeble attempt to fix the problem without dealing with the cause. Real love must return to our land. People fall in love. They create life. They protect life. And they live for another generation. Oh, and Mr. Expert, maybe then our economy will recover…

answered prayer....

Do you ever find yourself asking God things, but not REALLY expecting Him do it. For example, I've been praying for God to cause His word to come alive in my heart, for the grace to actually live out His word in my life. And then I'm surprised when I find myself in situations where i have a decision to make....choosing God's way, the way of love, or my own, the way of selfishness. You'd think I'd learn that praying really does cause things to happen.

See if you can relate to this....so you're going about your day, then all of a sudden, something happens that triggers some really strong emotions, like anger, jealousy, bitterness, fear, ect - its quite easy to let those emotions take over, or maybe you've learned to dig a hole and hide them. But for those that are seeking God's way of life, we stand at the crossroads of a decision - "part of me feels totally justified in being angry at this person who has wronged me....but i know there is another way. There is the way of mercy, and I know in my head that it triumphs over judgment because the bible says so. But how do i really believe that....so much that it changes my emotions deep inside? I want to REALLY see God's word come alive in my heart.

In this moment, if you just take time to listen, you will hear the voice of our creator speaking quietly in our ear..."My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Come to me and lay down your burdens at my feet. Come take a walk with me."

Satan will do whatever he can to convince us that this is our battle, and we most somehow find the strength to win. There is another way...it looks like opening up our heart to our creator, and allowing HIM to speak to our fears and hurts. When anger, fear, bitterness, ect springs up, God is really good at showing us the root cause of these emotions. Allow Him to take you by the hand, and He will speak truth into the lies, acceptance into the rejection, love into places of abandonment. Let God's love take its course...don't try to come up with someway you can deserve it. We don't. But the lover of our souls says we're worth pursuing despite our sin and brokenness.

You want to see God's Kingdom come in your life?
I think a simple way to see this is to pay attention to your emotions, and anything that is contrary to God's Kingdom, ask God why this is happening, what's the root, and ask Him to change your heart in line with His.

Reflections from the National Marriage Summit

It’s been awhile since my last blog…but I need to catch you up on something really significant that happened two weeks…first for me, but also I believe for the betterment of our nation. Dec. 3-4, I had the privilege of attending the once-a-year National Marriage Summit…and no I’m not married yet. So what was a young guy like me doing there? Good question. Well, to start, my dad happens to be the chairman of the Marriage CoMission, a ministry that helps network many of the marriage and family champions across America from all sectors of society. This CoMission organizes a one-a-year Summit, inviting 200 or so of today’s key marriage and family leader for 3 days of working together. This year, my dad invited United Pursuit Band to come and lead worship for the morning devotional time, but also take part in the actual meetings.

Wow. That’s a good way to sum up the 3 days. I experience such synergy and collaboration as so many amazing visionary leaders spent the 3 days making what I would call a battle plan to see marriage and family values restored to our nation. Every single person at the summit is involved in some active way in fighting for marriage and family, whether in Hollywood fighting for movies with strong values, authors, conference speakers, business leaders, ect. But the beautiful part in the whole week was seeing all these leaders come together, and how the Body of Christ is SO much stronger when we come together.

Since my time at the Summit, I’ve been doing lots of thinking. Those 3 days really stirred up so much inside me. I’m starting to see how the foundation of our nation was built on God, and directly downstream is the covenant of marriage leading to strong families, strong families leading to strong generations. I can’t speak for all of my generation, but I know that so many young people today have totally lost the vision for a strong marriage. They haven’t seen it, so why would they believe in something that they’ve only seen fail?

“Without vision, the people parish.” In many ways, I believe our nation has lots its vision for marriage. Without strong marriages, our nations will cease to be what makes America “America”, because marriage is the foundation which flows life and love. When children are born out of the covenant of marriage, they immediately have something that us humans crave…unconditional love. Notice how I said covenant…not “institution” – Covenant births unconditional love. The Institution of marriage is a counterfeit to the real thing; a false document that promises everything but insures nothing. I see the marriage covenant can be summed up like this, “I promise to love you as long as I live, even when you fail me the most, when you disappoint me, when you betray me.” I’m starting to see that covenant love has factored in betrayal. Covenant love isn’t “me,me,me”, its being a gift to your spouse, and even bigger; your passing on a heritage to your children, and there children, and beyond. This covenant love is the fertilizer of life, hope, and happiness. When children are born into this kind of love, they can fully live out their destiny.

Right now, I feel the prevailing wind of brokenness sweeping our nation…year after year of seeing marriage after marriage fail and why would anyone want to be join the list? If the next generation looses the vision for a strong, healthy marriage and family, then all our brokenness will only worsen. We look instead to our government to solve our problems. We long for hope and change, but I believe that unless we start with ourselves and foundation of what our whole nation is build upon, than nothing will change.

BUT, there is hope. We serve a God of restoration. He is really good at taking all our bad decisions, and turning them into something beautiful. Two weeks ago, I got another glimpse of hope for our nation concerning marriage and family. I saw the Church come together, not just church leader to church leader, but the diverse, multi-talented, beautiful, bride of Christ spread out in all facets of society…and I know God was smiling down from Heaven. His presence permeated the meeting room the whole 3 days. God has invited us to dream with Him, and see His Kingdom come into the broken places of this world. And I know that looks like seeing marriages restored. It looks like children being raised in loving homes. And I know that I know that I’m going to be apart of this…what about you?

This is part one to an ongoing dialog I want to start about marriage and family from the perspective of a young person yet to be married. Keep an eye out for my next blog in the next week. Blessings!

judged by the sun's rays

Lately, I've been reading the book of Philippians. Its real short, so I've been reading it everyday for the past 5 days. God's really speaking through it, so I thought I might share a few things that I've never seen before.

What so cool about the bible, is that as time goes on, you get new "lenses" to look through as you read the bible; things that you've never seen before JUMP out of the page. Often times life experiences go a long way to shaping these lenses. Lately, the "lens" of love has been jumping out of the page. I went and saw Heidi Baker speak this past Sunday, and I'm reminded of the simplicity of the gospel: loving God, and from the place of intimacy and friendship with Him, loving others...simply overflowing with His love. Love looks like something. Love has teeth.

Here's some of the background of Paul's letter to the saints in Phillipi:

One of the things Paul was confronting in this letter mindset that you have to work for righteousness. People were believing in Jesus, but still living in the law, meaning they were "doing stuff" to try to get God's acceptance. Paul called these leaders, people who lead others into the law again "dogs" - beware of them.

Paul contrasts these "dogs" with his heart's cry-
"that I might be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that is through faith in Christ." He said they preach the gospel out of strife. He also wrote this letter, because there was division creeping in the church, and he wanted people to be of one mind...the mind of Christ. And with the lens of love, Christ's mind is love...radical, turn-the-world-up-side-down love.

Ok, with that background, here's the verse I was mediating on: this is Paul's prayer for the saints at Phillipi, so its a good prayer:)

"And this I pray: that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the WHICH ARE fruits of righteousness WHICH ARE BY JESUS CHRIST, to the glory and praise of God."


Key word:
"Abound" - be in excess, superfluous, abundance.

Ok, so here are my thoughts. This isn't THE interpretation of this verse...this is just what hit my heart when was mediating on these verses.

What does it meant to abound in love in knowledge and discernment.? I was thinking about Jesus, and how He knows everything about me. You could say He has full knowledge of me...all my weaknesses, the secrets of my heart. Even with all that knowledge, He loves me!! His love is abundant towards me!!! So when Paul is praying that our love with abound in knowledge and discernment, i think it can mean that even when we see weaknesses in people, people's crap, when they hurt us, when they don't return our love....when we have this "knowledge and discernment of people.......AND WE STILL LOVE!! In fact, our love abounds all the more! Discernment is so important, but If i see pain and weakness and sin in people, and this discernment pushes me away from them, then I'm NOT abounding in love. I'm instead judging.

If I'm to approve the things that are excellent, then the most excellent thing is love. Paul says its the most excellent way. God is love....if this love fills me, then I WILL BE SINCERE - the word sincere means" judged by the sunlight." how cool is that!! - if i am filled with love, i will be filled with sunlight...it will pour into my life, and darkness must flee.

Being filled with love keeps us from holding offense. Offense simply means choosing to withhold love. So abounding in love causes us to radiate with light, and to live un-offended. The fruits of righteousness will overflow in my life if I'm abounding in love. This righteousness comes from Christ. Not by works.

When Jesus walked the earth, people around Him felt totally safe and accepted, and yet the found the power to change: the lady caught in adultery, the women at the well, Zacheous...ect. Love has so much power, because it fully accepts, and yet people find power to change. It never condemns. It empowers. Love says, "there's a kingdom of light...a place of freedom. Come with me. I'll walk with you side-by-side. There's the ocean of mercy that never ends...come with me and I'll show you. I won't leave you alone."

Jesus doesn't walk the earth anymore in the physical. BUT we do. We're the body of Christ. We're His hands and feet. It the most amazing story....in our rebellion, God saves a people, and this people becomes transformed into a new person, a glorious bride that proclaims the love of our bridgegroom. We walk the earth. We are filled with His love. We shout from the rooftops the power of the cross. We proclaim the blood of Christ. Our righteousness isn't of ours....the power of the law is destroyed. this is life. this is what the world is waiting to see. you in?

poison ivy's wisdom

so my whole body is covered in poison ivy. This pretty much sucks. But its also kinda funny in a way. My skin has transformed from normal, healthy skin, to nasty, pink splotchy skin.

So i rented this movie yesterday....called the "notebook" - i know, everyone's seen it already, but i haven't. So i watched this chick-flic alone in all its glory. I was having a pity party for my poison ivy condition, and what perfect time to watch a chick-flic.

Admist the sappyness and Hollywood romance, I had this thought. True love is when my wife will love me, even when my body is covered in poision ivy, nasty pink splotches and all. When I watched the notebook, what stirred deepest isn't the desire to have a "Hollywood romance," you know the perfect romantic moments, the passionate makeup kiss, BUT to be totally accepted, even with all the junk in me. For someone to know everything about me, all my weakness, and to say, "yes, I still wanna spend my life with you." that's what I'm most excited about. Hollywood is fun to watch, but my bet is on that the kinda love I'm seeking will never fade. Right now, God is still showing me what my future wife is like, but i'm so excited for the day that I met her, whoever she is, so excited for the day that love becomes a choice, to totally choose someone to love, full acceptance.... So, you know what, poison ivy is teaching me something. haha. glory to God:) just come take this way ASAP!!!

Freedom, Rain, and Roofs.

letting the blogging begin...again! I've taken a break, but I feel its time to start again.

So, today is Sunday afternoon, and this is the only time of the week we're I feel I have to hang out with people...because its Sunday. AND, of course all my friends are out of the country, and my parents are who-knows-where. So its me, my big house, and my thoughts, God, and this blog.

Last night, I went to the "Knoxville Outpouring" meeting, and God surprised me for sure. I mean, I knew it was going to be good, but last night was a fresh word for me. The worship leader kept singing about freedom, and God was really hitting me with fresh revelation. You know, sometimes God goes after your heart and emotions, and sometimes He hit your mind first. Well, last night was the mind, and then translated into my heart. Here goes....see if you can follow my train of thought.

Ever wondered why God put two trees in the garden? And why didn't He hide the bad tree in the corner or something? NOPE! DEAD CENTER! Its because He gave us freedom, and freedom is the ability to choose...God gave us the freedom to not choose Him, and thus choose our own path...and that path is the path of self-sufficiency, the path of "I'm fine on my own" - otherwise know as the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That tree is represented in the "Law" - the law points to righteousness and our weakness because try as we might, we can't fulfill the law. The whole Old Testament is about this, and current day legalism is this package with a nice, neat bow of "I'm a Christian and I have my life in order, or perhaps better stated, I have my lie in order" - this tree, this law, leads us to the only one who can fulfill this law....Jesus!

So if freedom is the ability to choose, then we either choose self-sufficiency, or we choose dependency....on Christ. With that background, here is what I wrote down in my journal last night.

Freedom is being a bond-servant of Christ.
Freedom is living for God's will alone.
Freedom is dependence.
To the world, freedom is independence...in God's Kingdom, true freedom is dependence on Him
It looks like being a child.

Freedom looks like complete trust.
Freedom is tasting and seeing that God is good, that His plans for me are LIFE, abundant life.

Freedom is knowing I'm a ligament son of God.
Freedom is surrender.
Freedom is being the sacrifice.

"Your people will be freewill offerings in the day of your power; in the splendor of holiness, from the womb of the dawn, Your youth are to You as the dew." - Psalm 110

Know the this verse? "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

Well, that verse came alive last night. When God's Spirit is present, He proclaims the wonders and greatness of Christ. And when Jesus is lifted high and seen for who He really is, freedom is found because choosing Christ is abundant life! He is irresistible. Many times, religious baggage gets in the way, but when the Spirit moves, self sufficiency is blown away by the majesty and glory of Christ. You would you rather put your trust in? Legalism looks plain stupid when the beauty of Christ is seen.

Freedom is a progressive journey. Jesus is the destination. Every new level of freedom experienced on earth is a new, fresh level of trust in God....faith in who He says He is, and who He says we are. This is the kind of freedom I'm longing for. The kind where my acceptance comes from the Father, and where my life mission is do His will on earth...that's real freedom. Isn't it amazing that we will never "arrive" , and that there is will be a never ending journey to experiencing the depths of God's heart?

So here we are again...releasing control and finding that its the sweetest, most joyful thing ever. God's in charge. Let His faithfulness rain-down upon you...and don't put a roof over your head. Read these lyrics from one of my favorite songs:

I am the wilderness locked in a cage
I am a growing force you kept in place
I am a tree reaching for the sun
Please don't hold me down
Please don't hold me down

I am a rolling wave without the motion
A glass of water longing for the ocean
I am an asphalt flower breaking free but you keep stopping me
Release me
Release me

I am the rain that's coming down on you
That you shielded yourself from with a roof
I am the fire burning desperately but you're controlling me
Release me
Release me


amen. (this song isn't even Christian! People can help but write about Him, and they don't even know it. haha)

GO LISTEN TO THIS SONG NOW! ITS SO GOOD!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYfsJ6rXgoc

questions

Restless. That's how I've felt today. Ever worked really hard at something, then to only find once you've finished, you're not really sure what to do with your time and thoughts? That's how I feel. Atlanta Fest is now over. I worked really hard to make it all come together. It was worth is it. Now what?

Atlanta Fest brought up more questions that answers, which seems quite like my God. He's good at that.

Here's some of the questions floating around my head: What's the purpose of music? Can music just be entertainment and still count for something? When I say count for something, what do I mean? If I believe God's called me to play music, what the heck does it look and sound like?

Take guys like Toby Mac. He was the main artist of the night after us, and his show rocked. It blew me away. Such excellence. It was plain fun. I'm sure God likes Toby's set too. BUT for me, if I did what Toby does, I think I would regret it later. I have the idea from somewhere, that my friends and I play music, that it do what Jesus did on the earth (isaiah 61) Set the captives. Free those in bondage. I wanna see God's Kingdom come through music. I want to see people encounter Jesus as savior, healer, and deliver in one moment. When heaven touches earth, ushered in on sounds from above. Can this happen? I believe so. When? How? Where? Questions. My King has the answers, and He likes it that way, because I have to seek His face for the answers.

Maybe mainstream Christian festivals aren't the easiest venue for this to happen. I felt that most people didn't know how to respond to what we were playing . They were interested, but while we worshiping, they were watching. I wasn't frustrated while playing, but I did find myself praying for everyone. "God wake up this generation!"

We played Brock's song "Come Away", and I believe that that song carries God's heart of love for our generation. It was so fun getting to sing and play that there. That was probably the highlight for me.

OH, whitewater rafting on the way home was great. I fell out 2 twice. Kandace set the record with 4 falls. Good times.

puzzle world

Life sometimes feels like a giant puzzle, and us people are the pieces. I've always been crappy at puzzles for some reason...I never seem to have patience required to stick it out in finishing it.

Here's my thought for the day.
All our dreams are intertwined, interwoven with each other. Alone, we will miss our destiny. Together, we will find the fullness of our calling.
See if you can track with me here for a bit...i've got a thought brewing.

So lets pretend we're all represented by puzzle pieces. Firstly, we are all bound by living in the 2 dimensional realm. No moving up and on, only side to side. Sorry. Ok, so we all are trying to be made into one gigantic puzzle. We hear rumors that this puzzle, once completed, is the most beautiful thing one can imagine. Oh, and there's no box to stare at to know what the finished product is. All we have is faith that the puzzle is going to be beautiful, and that its worth sticking it out to finish....and on side note, us puzzle pieces don't move so fast, so we're pretty much stuck in our one little puzzle region.

This is what I envision puzzle world looking like:

"In a land far far away is a place called puzzle world. Us puzzle pieces want to get the puzzle completed so badly, so we all start running around trying to make it happen. Problem is we don't live in a 3 dimensional world, so we can't see what the puzzle is turning out to look like. Many start puzzle clubs, when this or that leader saying he or she knows the best way to complete the puzzle. Often times various puzzle clubs fight with other clubs, and chaos breaks out. (Maybe its hard to imagine puzzle clubs fighting, but try for me ok:)

Life in puzzle world goes on, much know for its lack of unity among puzzle pieces, and after years of hard, grueling work, the puzzle is no closer to being completed. In fact, such bitter puzzle club rivalry has grown that the possibility of ever fitting together seems impossible.

Just when we think there is no hope for puzzle world, no chance for ever being complete and whole, along comes the puzzle master. Turns out there's this "somebody" who lives outside puzzle world's 2 dimensional world! He can move up and down and see what the whole puzzle looks like! He also is the one who designed every single puzzle piece with utmost care and love. Every piece is beautiful. Every piece is different. Every piece is needed for the puzzle to become complete.

Mr. Puzzle Master breaks into puzzle world chaos with a startling announcement.

"Attention puzzle world! If you would like for the mess to be mended and for everyone to find there place in the puzzle, please relax for a minute, and let me guide you one by one to your rightful spot. This is going to take sometime, so make friends with your fellow pieces around you, and help each other out. You'll find that there's pieces that I've created you to fit together perfectly with, and I'll direct you to find them. I'll be coaching you through this, but you're gonna to have to follow my directions. I'm not going to pick you up and move you.

Some of you have lost hope that there's a purpose for your piece. Some of you sky blue pieces think your boring. I see you green tree pieces too. Every single one of you was created to fit into the most beautiful puzzle ever. When you finally find the pieces your supposed to connect with, your going to thank me. Here's the secret to finding your place. Finding your place, or should I say your purpose, is connected to your ability to listen to my voice, and from that move to where I lead you. Oh, you'll need the help of those pieces around you, for I've designed this whole thing to only work when you work together. Why you may ask? Because I like when all my pieces work together.

How can you trust me?
Lets just say I'm the puzzle master."

the end.

So by now if you're still reading this madness, you'll probably think I'm psycho crazy. Many times God speaks to me in the crazy thoughts, and maybe, just maybe, you've caught on to what I'm thinking. I'll save the interpretation for later, or maybe I'll pull a "Jesus" and say he who has ears to hear, let him hear:)

So here's my thought again...maybe it makes more sense now.

All our dreams are intertwined, interwoven with each other. Alone, we will miss our destiny. Together, we will find the fullness of our calling.

oh, this is the song that' s running through my head. (Could be one of my favorite songs ever.)

"When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We''ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful"
Phi Wickham - "You're Beautiful"

sunsets and control

So next door to me is the cutest little girl I think I've ever seen. Her name is Makala. She's mulatto, so her skin is beautiful. Her hair is a little black fro, and she runs around smiling all the time. I'm guessing she's six. She's a big fan of the Bank's house trampoline, and is an almost permanent fixture on it. Tonight, she knocked on the door asking for some paper towels. I would have given her anything at the moment i think...I've never been much of a baby sitter, but I'm seriously thinking about offering to...

Tonight the sunset was amazing. Maybe you saw it too...i laid on the trampoline and watched the low grey clouds mix with the blue sky and the fading orange and pinks, all mixing together. There's much beauty in the simple moments of life. God's glory is everywhere...we just have to look. The 5 minutes of gazing at the beauty seemed to calm the hours of stress from the day. We are created to gaze upon beauty. Eternity is going to rock.

I love watching sunsets, because I get this overwhelming sense that God is in control. Thus I'm not. Watching sunsets ask the question, "Nathan, will you release control to me again with xyz?"
Recently, I heard God whisper this about control...."you'll find my rest when you release the right to control your life to me." There's the catch. God lets us control our life to a certain extent. We have freewill to decide want we want in life, and do everything in our power to control and manipulate people and situations to get what we think we need. Our very American culture prizes the ability to set our minds on some goal, and do everything we can to achieve it.

BUT we live in an upside-down Kingdom. Those who desire to save their life will loose it. Those who lose it will gain it in the end. I beginning to believe that God's plan for my life is abundantly greater that ANYTHING I can think or imagine. Thus when I find myself fearing and worrying, trying to get something i think I need, I hear Papa's voice... "Will you release your right to control your life. Do you believe my plan for you is the best? Do you trust me?

When we offer our lives completely to Him, we become who we were created to be - lovers of God and one another. I love what Andrew Murry says about our purpose in life:

"Man's chief care, his highest virtue, and his only happiness, now and throughout eternity, is to present himself as an empty vessel in which God can dwell and manifest His power and goodness.".....Manifest His love.

Releasing control brings us back to the garden. It brings us to peace. Fear is replaced with trust. Control is replaced with unconditional love.

Go watch a sunset - release control. Then do it all over again. Until the day we die, we will always be learning how to trust God more and more with every bit our lives. Lets start now though...

house meeting and trampolines

Tonight we had our very first official house meeting. We being Brian Johnson, Iain Cook, Will Reagan, and me. First order of things was to elect a house president, so we picked Will, because we thought he would look best with a white wig. His are the orders passed:

Brian is going to head up the mission "kill the mice" - I know, sounds a bit harsh at first glance, but you must understand what we've gone through in the past two months. Whole loafs of bread tunneled through - - -check. Mice poop everywhere - - double check. Even the Ramen noodles got attacked, not to mention our hot chocolate powder. Brian enacted a strict rule of no food left out. Sounds a bit obvious, but for some reason its hard.

Iain is going to take on the roll of head-recycle-man. Seeing that Iain came from Vancouver, and that he's way more "green" then the rest of us, he's the obvious choice.

I decided to take on the job of getting a new router for our internet. Not that exciting, but our internet has a bad habit of not working...it really quite moody.

I can't remember what Will's role is....well, other than the fact that he's the head-renovation-expert of the house. For those that don't already know, we've decided to completely renovate the kitchen, and Will's working a ton on it. Its gonna be so sweet when its done. Pray for "cabinet favor" if that's possible. We have a tight budget, and need some new cabinets pronto.

After meeting tonight, I'm stuck with this thought. Community is amazing. Really, its worth fighting for. Its obvious how God has is hand on all of our relationships, how He birthed something so beautiful, and how He's called us to "be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." - we got to pray for each other tonight, and I was struck at how blessed I am to be living with 3 amazing guys who are sold out to following Christ as any cost. Everyone in the house brings a different gift to the table. We all have our "stuff", our quirks, but there is also the amazing creativity of God in each of my roommates. What's cools is how we all call each other higher. "Let brotherly love continue." - Hebrews 13:1

Another thing that Iain brings to the house, seeing that he's the new roommate and all, is that he's full of big ideas. Like digging a hole for a pool. Or buying a old diesel car and converting it to run on grease. Or planting a garden. (none of these have happened yet...like i said, big ideas) He also decided we need a house trampoline , so he went on Craig's list and bought one. Lately, its been a constant source of fun, as we re-visit our childhood days, though slightly bigger and not quite as flexible. At sunset, I struck up a conversation with our neighbors and then invited all their kids to jump on the trampoline. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, they bolted on it. I'm amazed at their self-control in not jumping on it sooner. Our neighbors are real nice...the classic random assortment of people where you're not quite sure their relationship status....white lady, african-american man and brother, 4 african-amerian kids - but we had a good time chatting it up. I did learn that there utility bill was $600 a month, so our $300 a month bill doesn't seem so bad now.

That brings me to our other resolution from the meeting - neighborhood block party! Get ready, late July is going to have the best party ever Banks Ave has ever seen. God's been speaking to us a bunch about living as revolutionaries, and that starts as our own neighborhood. I'm talking about being radical light-bearing, kingdom advancing dudes that bring God's light everywhere our feet tread. And turns out that people our desperate for this light - many never see it. Some remember it long ago. Many live in an constant state of darkness. We prayed together tonight, and God kept impressing that God's light, His goodness and peace, is ready to bust out of us to everyone we come in contact with.

I'm all about revival busting out of Knoxville, but I'm starting to see it starts with the relationships in my life and the people that live around me. If I'm crying out for the "general Knoxville revival", but not willing to see it happen in my own relationships, then what am I doing? Let this be a challenge to live everyday with your ears opened to what God may have you say and do with the people that YOU come in contact with in your NORMAL day. That's how a "normal" day turns in to a God adventure. There's nothing normal about being an ambassador of God - God's entrusted us with His Kingdom, and we have the privilege of seeing it established wherever we go.

I echo Paul's prayer, that "...for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak." - Eph. 6:19-20

Porch time

Here's a shot at writing down my "daily doings" - not sure what else to call it. I feel really busy sometimes, but then I wonder what the heck makes my day so busy. So now I will know. And you will to. Whoever "you" are....Maybe you will ''' be bored at my normal day, or maybe you'll be jealous...take your pick. At this time in my life, I'm searching out what it means to live out the "Christian life." - I'm asking a lot of questions. I'm pondering the why's of life. So I guess this blog is a dialog of my questions, and the answers i may find.

Waking up this morning was nice, because I have air-conditioning in my room now. I actually awoke cold! I went downstairs to find Brandon and Will about to head off to "Rakins" - the local breakfast dinner. Two words - - home-maid biscuits. Need i say more? Brandon and Will took the 1 mile journey on their bikes, while i chose my legs. I rocked out on the way there will the song "You're beautiful" by Phil Wickham. Quite possibly my favorite song so far this year. The song causes me to smile and kinda bounce down the street. Not a normal sight at 8am in the K-town hood.

I then caught eye contact with a man sitting on his front porch. I noticed he was in a wheelchair, and then saw his wife sitting beside him. In the split second we locked eyes, i felt his pain and brokeness. I felt my King's heart of love for them. "Jesus, if you were here, you would go and talk to them, and you would heal his body." - Thus starts the conflict in my head. I'm alive to see God's love pour out of my life, wherever my feet take me. I felt drawn to their porch, BUT then again, I don't know them...what if they don't want to talk? What if they are angry at God? then my stomach chimed in, plus who wants be left out of biscuits the bros?

I continued on, essentially ignoring them. The worship music in my headphones then made me feel guilty. "Jesus is alive" it blared. "If your alive, then you'll be with me if go talk and pray with them." I got to Rakin's to find it closed, with Brandon and Will no where to be found. I started my walk back home, and then remember the couple on the porch. I walked in there direction, thinking I still could find them. I started to pray for the prodigals in my neighborhood. Then I felt like it was time to put my prayers to action. I have God's word dwelling inside me. The Kingdom of God rests in me, and it wants to come out! Headphones off, eyes set on my neighbors, I walked up to them, not having a clue what to say....but my heart beating with a love that's not my own. Is this the Christian life? To be empty vessel for God to fill with His love. To freely receive and freely give away?

2 hours later, I left there porch. I found Jesus on that porch. I saw Him in there eyes. I pray that they saw Jesus in my eyes. I listen as Jim and Linda pore out there hearts to me...Jim (47), had a stoke 4 months. He is bound to a wheelchair now. He longs to walk and move again. Linda is his faithful wife. They share stories of pain and fear. They tell of almost dying, but being rescued by 3 angles; one with fire in his eyes, the other saying its not time yet for you to die. Jim knows there's a reason why he's still on the earth. He's just at odds with what it is.

As I'm talking with Jim, Linda gets a call...she finds that her daughter who has been trying to have a kid for years, just lost her child giving birth. See begins to weep, and we cry out to God together. I lay my hands on Jim and ask with all the faith i can muster for God to heal his body. Jim believes. Nothing happens right away, but I feel his paralyzed hand, its fiery hot...not normal i think for hand that doesn't work. He truly believes he will be healed.

Today, I encountered Jesus in my neighborhood. I felt let on a little secret today. He let me partner with Him in loving His precious children Jim and Linda. And that was one porch. There are many more porches in my neighborhood, all with people crying out for something more. Some know God. Some remember faint whispers of him from long ago. Some are angry at Him. Some know God as a rule book. Some don't even consider Him. BUT everyone longs to be loved. To be accepted. To be cherished. And for some reason God has chosen us to share this love with the world. Fill us up God to overflowing with your love!!! With your compassion!!

"For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us."
2nd Cor. 4:6-7

From Occupation to Expansion

Ever have that feeling that your wasting lots of time? Lately, I've been feeling the weight of responsibility to be a good steward to what God has given me; to run the race with perserverance and and passion. I came across this article by Bill Johnson that really speaks into the heart of this matter....answering the question why we must be faithful with what God has given us. What do ya think?

"One of the warriors of old made this statement: "The purpose of war is victory, and the purpose of victory is occupation." In the Kingdom, we add one more step to the process: The purpose of occupation is expansion. The Lord would not give all of the Promised Land to IsraelKingdom of Heaven. The man who was given the one talent and buried it simply occupied and protected that accomplishment, but suffered tremendously because he did not take what he had and position it for increase (Matthew 25:15-28).
It's important that we view life with the perspective of expansion and forward motion. When we think this way, we are positioning ourselves for increase and promotion. It's not healthy to simply find a place you want to stay in and occupy. at once because they did not have the ability to occupy all of the territory. By only giving them the amount of land they could occupy, He positioned them for expansion. Expansion is vital to advancing the

The moment you have found a leveling-off place is the moment you begin backsliding. When your passion begins to decline, you already start to die. You were born to burn. Elisha came to the king and said, "Please strike the ground with these arrows." And he struck the ground three times. The prophet became furious at the king and said, "If only you had struck the ground five or six times you would have annihilated the enemy, but now you're only going to have three temporary victories." Because the king did not live out of passion, he couldn't carry the anointing that God wanted to give him, and it cost the nation. When leaders don't have passion, it costs everyone who follows. Passion and the anointing run in parallel courses. A person with passion will take risks. Everything you want in the realm of the Kingdom is found through this veil of difficulty by stepping into the realm of inconvenience. You don't get it by coasting on yesterday's breakthrough. You were born for expansion."

I don't really have anything else to say. Jesus, I pray that the fear of failure that so cripples us is broken by the gloriousness of you and your sure ability to accomplish what your Word speaks of! Let us move from Glory to Glory, and not from fear to shrinking back....Raise up a generation that boasts in you, one that doesn't turn away from pain and suffering, but rushes into to dark situations with absolute faith that your Word is true, and that once glance of your eyes changes everything!

Another Sunday Afternoon...

It’s another Sunday afternoon. Church is over, my belly's full, my house is quiet, and I have nothing planned to do. This makes me restless for some reason. I find myself sitting at my computer, hoping to escape to the portal of the outside world. The comforts of life don't feel so nice to me. I wish I could replace my full stomach and air conditioning house with the open sea, the breeze of the wind, the vast expanse of sky, and a little bowl of soup with stale crackers. Or how bout' a dirty Mozambiquan hut filled with people dancing wilding about for hours - otherwise known as church.

Bottom line, I'm restless, and I wonder why I am this way...but when I sit silent, I feel the comfort of my Father in heaven saying this is the way he created me to be. The longing to be caught up into a grand epic story, one of battles, far-away places, love, sacrifice, joy...to live for something far grander than myself - in my heart, there's a longing for my King. I know He will return one day soon. When He does, His Kingdom will be established on the earth, just as it is in Heaven.

I'm not a good writer. That's partly why I'm going to start blogging again. I want to be able to write what's on my heart. I question whether what I write is even real...words can be crafted and comforted to say whatever I want; I hope that this blog is an avenue for me to write honest and true things. Most of all, I hope that people may see a reflection of Jesus in all of this...to be encouraged to pursue Him to the end.

Here's a parting thought. Read this quote from a guy named Kevin Deadmon.

"If I offered to take you to Hawaii on an all expense-paid vacation, would you get a little excited as you thought about the white, sandy beaches, the coconut aroma on the tropic breezes, and the mesmerizing waves lapping towards your lounge chair as the rest of the world is washed away? Well, what if I told you that I was going to be flying the plane, and that I had never actually flown a plane, but I had read the manual and know everything there is to know about flying. Would you still be excited about going to Hawaii with me?

If you answered “yes” to that question, then you are crazy! You should never fly with someone who has never actually flown a plane! Yet, how many suffice to just read the manual (the Bible), thinking that doing that alone will enable them to have a personal relationship with God. And then we think that the world is going to want to fly with us to the Kingdom of God, when we have no personal experience."

Ouch! I was really struck by that sentence. My desire is to lead people into God's Kingdom, but people won't be drawn to it unless the Kingdom I speak of is real in me first. It can't be limited to reading the words of Christ...these words must change my very nature until I am living fully in His Kingdom! As Bill Johnson would say, "the Kingdom inside becomes the Kingdom around me." Righteousness, peace, and joy is my inheritance, and to be stuck in depression, fear, shame means I am stuck in Egypt again...again I am a slave. I must experience this Jesus! I must know who He is, and from the place of encounter, I will be a witness of Him...